At some point in our lives, most of us will face a decision that has the potential to alter the course of our lives and the lives of those around us. Just such a decision faced 13-year-old Ashley after she was raped and became pregnant by her attacker. In an act of courage, she assisted in the prosecution of her rapist and decided her baby wouldn’t be a casualty of his father’s crime. Four years ago, when I received a call regarding this brave young girl who resisted calls to abort her unborn child and move on with her life, I was compelled to find some way to help. This is how I met Ashley, a young woman whose strength and perseverance is and always has been one of her most impressive accomplishments.  

At a time when most young teens are attending slumber parties with friends, playing with makeup, and going to the movies, Ashley has spent the last four years caring for Aiden, her son, finishing high school, and becoming a powerful voice in support of the prolife movement. Last year, Ashley came forward to tell her story to the Indiana Senate. Her riveting testimony helped convince the body to pass a law that would sever the parental rights of convicted rapists. Although forced to relive her personal nightmare in front of a room full of strangers, Ashley persevered because she knew that she had to protect not only her son, but other children like him and their mothers who live with the constant fear that their rapists will have access to their children. Her testimony ultimately was a deciding factor in the passage of the bill.

This coming June, Aiden will celebrate his fourth birthday with his mom and extended family by his side. Ashley, now 18, is committed to giving her son the best life she can despite the emotional and financial challenges they face. Over the years, Ashley has struggled emotionally to cope with the aftermath of the rape and raising her son on her own, but she has endured by sheer force of will and determination. She continues to pursue her education while working a part-time job and being a single mom to Aiden. She hopes this summer to have enough money so they can move into a place of their own. Her love for and pride in Aiden shines in her eyes when she speaks about her son.

 “He is very full of energy, very talkative, and knows his colors, numbers and his ABCs,” said Ashley. “He loves Power Rangers, Batman, Superman, dinosaurs, and motorcycles, but his favorite is zombies.”

Aiden, who is 36 pounds and over three feet tall is by all accounts a well-adjusted and happy toddler.

“He is such a lady’s man and flirts with all the girls anywhere they go,” Ashley continued. “He loves babies and playing with his cousins and uncles.”

Ashley credits her parents and extended family and friends for helping her through a difficult time, and she is appreciative of the support of those who’ve reached out to her and Aiden.

 “I am very grateful to my parents for helping me with all they could over the last four years,” Ashley said. “I am very thankful for everyone who has donated and continues to keep up with us. I don’t know where I would be without Monica and her family.  I am so very blessed.”

Aiden is a living, breathing example of the beauty that can come of tragedy when a mother courageously and unselfishly choose life for her unborn child. Every day in this movement we find ourselves helping young women with basic needs and support for unintended pregnancies. Through Ashley and Aiden’s story, supporters from all over the country came forward to provide for a courageous young girl and her son, making it easier for her to move forward and build a life. Ashley didn’t ask to be a mom at the tender age of 13, but she didn’t let that stop her from being one. We can learn a lot from Ashley and Aiden about the precious nature and purpose of each human life and the sacrifices often made to protect and nurture that life. Christ has big plans for Ashley and Aiden, and I am eager to see what He has in store for them.

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As 2015 comes to a close, I am reminded of how blessed I am.  From a family who loves me and friends who would do anything for me to just being alive. This, however, hasn't always been the case. Six years ago, I didn’t look at my life as a gift.  I looked at it as a source of humiliation and shame--all due to the circumstances surrounding my birth.

When my birthmother pulled out a police report and told me that I was conceived through rape, I was devastated. This was not what I was told while growing up as an adopted child of loving parents.  From the very first moment that my parents told me I was adopted, I was reassured that my birth parents were young and in love, but were still in school and couldn't care for a baby, thus the decision to put me up for adoption.  I was a loved and wanted child of two people who loved each other.  That is what I have believed for 37 years. How could I have spent the last 37 years of my life living a lie?  So many questions raced through my mind, but answers were in short supply.

After a few days of denial, I resolved to prove my birth mother's story a piece of fiction.  The last thing in the world that I wanted was for this circumstance to define my life. 

 I started my search for answers at the police station that took my birth mother's report of rape more than 30 years previously. My quest for answers continued as my husband and I walked the streets of the town that my birth father called home. My husband, armed with a video camera, documented our every step.  Although I wasn't quite sure what motivated his desire to video tape this encounter, today I am thankful for the footage. I have to say that the more that I learned about the circumstances surrounding my conception, the more deeply depressed I became.  I remember thinking to myself that I didn’t want this to be my life, my story. I only desired to be the wanted and loved child of my birth parents, not a child thrust into this world by an act of violence.

After fact-finding missions at the court house, police station, library, hospital and health department, I still had doubts about her story. Not because the evidence didn't exist; it was there, in abundance, and all pointing toward the truth of my birth mother's story, a truth I refused to face. In a last ditch effort marked by desperation and pain, I arrived on the doorstep of my biological father's house. I just wanted someone to deny this horrible truth and tell me it was going to be okay. Naturally, I turned to the one person who would surely deny it. 

My husband, camera rolling, and I drove past his home four times as I summoned the courage to stop.  Although patient with the whole process, my husband's agitation was beginning to show. As we drove by his house one last time, we noticed a woman on a ladder painting a garage.  I looked at my husband and said "Okay, it's time; let’s stop."

With the camera still rolling, we pulled into the driveway. The woman turned around to see who it was and then began to descend the steps of the ladder.  My husband and I got out of our car and walked up the drive.  My first words were “Hi, I’m Monica." That was all it took.  There was no hand shake, no “it’s nice to meet you," nothing.  She stared at me and coldly said, "I know who you are and you’re not welcome here."

This woman turned out to be my birth father's wife, who had been married to him for many years.  She went on to tell me that I was ruining their lives and that he didn’t want to be my “father," all the while throwing in a few choice insults for good measure.

As she continued to call me names, my husband stepped in and calmly said, "Do you realize that this has nothing to do with Monica? You are blaming an innocent victim for your husband’s crime.” 

Grabbing my hand in a quick reassuring squeeze, my husband then escorted me back down the drive toward our car, with my birth father's wife following close behind, calling me names and telling us to leave their family alone.  Shaken, we reached the relative safety of the car. As my husband started the engine, he looked at me and said "You know this isn’t your fault, right?"

We drove down the road for about a mile when my husband stopped the car and gently pulled me into his arms.  The remainder of the ride home was quiet and long and full of tears.

I didn’t get to meet my birthfather that day, but I did receive a phone call from him that evening.  I finally got the denial I was looking for.  My birthfather went on to tell me that there was two men with the same name and that he was the wrong guy. I explained that I had his birthdate, social security number and I didn’t believe him.  I am not sure what changed me after hearing the words of denial come out of his mouth, but I suddenly became very defensive and adamantly defended my birth-mother.  I then asked him for a DNA test which he agreed to do.  This would settle it once and for all.   We scheduled a date to have the DNA test done at a hospital two weeks out.

After a few weeks of riding an emotional rollercoaster, the final proof of my new reality arrived at my doorstep in the guise of a letter.  It was from the attorney hired by my biological father. This letter advised me to stay away from my birthfather and his family and I finally had the answers that I was looking for, he was my birthfather and I was his daughter.  I was forced to face the facts. No matter how much I tried, no matter how much I didn’t want this new life--my life-- this was the one I was given. It didn’t matter how much I prayed to be the wanted and loved child of my birth parents. The harsh reality is that I was not.

One long, dark day stretched into another until my husband finally came to me and said, "Monica, enough is enough. I need my wife back and our kids need their mother."

As I came to the realization that my journey wasn't mine alone, but my family’s as well, I wept for the lost moments of joy and for the shared sorrow borne by those who love me more than anything in the world. They experienced my tears, my sadness, and eventually, my breaking point. Now, it was up to me to find a way through the pain, so that our family's journey could continue.

Today my family and I celebrate my life knowing the circumstances of my existence.  Although my vision of my life might have changed, I am now a stronger wife, mother and daughter to my family.

We always must remember that when Christ puts us on a path to purpose, we can look the other way, try to find a different road, or simply ignore all the signs.  But when you accept the road and start walking with purpose, amazing things will happen.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Safe Haven Baby Boxes Responds to Commission Hearing

On November 18, 2015 Indiana's Commission on Improving the Status of Children voted against a statewide program mandating Baby Boxes throughout Indiana. Their stated  reasoning was the baby boxes should not be mandatory and the cost is too high. House Enrolled Act 1016 clearly stated that this was voluntary and the state would incur no fees for this program, but these facts were ignored.

Dr. Jen Walthall, the deputy commissioner of the Indiana State Department of Health, suggested that Indiana would be better served if Hoosiers were better educated on the state’s safe haven law and resources available to mothers.  Dr. Walthall included in her report vague references to medieval practices and provided statistics that have been shown to be false on infant abandonment in Indiana. She then simultaneously admitted that there are no good statistics on infant abandonment.  The task force acted outside of the scope of legislation and its recommendations do not preclude the implementation of “baby boxes” as a last resort option for communities who desire to provide this measure to save the life of babies at risk for abandonment.  Discussion of cost by this committee was moot, as  the baby boxes are being privately funded by caring people who believe that if the baby box saves even one child a cruel death in a dumpster or by the side of a highway, it  is worth every effort. 

The Task force stated that education on the existing law needed to take place and yet Indiana State Department of Health has not participated in an education program to this date.  The majority of the education has been done by non-profit, privately funded organizations. 

Representative Casey Cox issued the following statement:

“On Wednesday November 18, 2015, the Indiana Commission on Improving the Status of Children declined to recommend that Indiana pursue a statewide policy with respect to newborn safety incubators, sometimes referred to as ‘baby boxes’ or ‘angels cradles,’ as prescribed in the original version of House Enrolled Act 1016.  Still, the Commission acknowledged that providers could likely implement newborn safety incubators on their own.  In the next few weeks the Indiana Department of Health will be required by HEA 1016 to issue standards and protocols for the development of newborn safety incubators.  Using these standards, providers may choose to voluntarily implement such a mechanism to support the existing Indiana Safe Haven law.   The Commission approved a separate resolution that should providers undertake this method voluntarily, the State should seriously consider whether to extend immunity protections to providers and persons under such circumstances.

When we started this discussion two years ago, one of our main goals was to create a dialogue about preventing the tragedy of newborn infant abandonment.  We have succeeded at that beyond my expectations.  Our discussion grew out of Indiana across the country and overseas.  As we continue this discussion, I will be ready to pursue whatever legislative protections may be necessary to compliment this important lifesaving endeavor.”

In conclusion, Monica Kelsey, founder of Safe Haven Baby Boxes states the following:

“I am disappointed that the Indiana Commission on Improving the Status of Children yesterday failed to do adequate research into Indiana's Safe Haven Law and acknowledge the lives of the 34 illegally abandoned babies in Indiana. The history lesson we received yesterday by the task force was inaccurate and did not include the statistics on abandoned babies for Indiana, as they stated they were not available. Since I have those statistics, which include abandoned babies and safe surrenders in the State of Indiana, I would have been more than willing to share these statistics and their sources, in order for them to provide a more accurate report to the commission. From the very beginning of this project I have always focused on saving the lives of abandoned babies, the goal was never about passing a law. With that being said, we are legally moving forward and will have 5 boxes deployed in 5 different cities in Indiana within the next 90 days. We  will continue all of our efforts  to save the lives of abandoned babies,  as this is and has always been our main objective.”

If you would like more information or to schedule an interview with Monica Kelsey, please contact 260-750-3668 or email Pam Stenzel at the following address:

pamstenz819@gmail.com

www.SafeHavenBabyBoxes.com